So here I am still awake. What am I thinking?? I have to get up at like 6:30 in the morning and I still sit here. I was just reading over past posts, and then past prayer journals. It is just so amazing how much God has continued to change me. Constantly. Just 2 months ago I wrote in a journal entry how I prayed that God would show me His will and path for me. Because I was tired of feeling lost and out of place. I now believe with all my heart that this is the path that I'm meant to take. I know He has placed me with these kids for a reason, and its not that they need me. It's that I need them.
I also love going back over my prayer journals because I can see over and over again where God has answered my prayers. It is so amazing. I mean you know that He answers prayers, but you don't ever think about it. But if you have them written down, you can go back and see the miraculous things that He has done(or at least that's how it is in my case.) So that's something I'm going to recommend to anyone. Start a prayer journal. Start out writing, maybe every night. Pretty soon you'll see the results and will want to carry it around every where with you so that you can just write down little prayers throughout the day. It's wonderful.
It also helped me, because for a while I had a problem focusing while I was praying. I would start then drift away thinking about something else. So if I am writing it down, I can get all my thoughts together, and not worry about missing something because I was thinking about what classes I still have to take, or if I should double major at WT or not. Silly things like that.
Which I am still thinking about. But the biggest down side is that to major in Social Work at WT, you have to take Biology I & II. Well I've taken my sciences, but I took Life Science I & II, not thinking that it would really matter as long as I took one. But no. It's okay though because I know that if I am really meant to be in that field, God will have it work out. It's still crazy though. You have to apply and have two letters of recommendation stating that you are willing or enthusiastic or whatever about helping people, BEFORE they will even consider you a major. Who knows what they're doing.
On another note, Hunter is getting so big. It's crazy to me that he is already almost 6 months old. It's like it was yesterday that my mom was flipping out cause Sam was pregnant (which she had every right to.) He is starting to jibber. Oh yea, the other day he figured out how to scream in this high pitched sound, so he does that all the time. He rolls over, but only when he wants to. Most of the time he's content to just lay on his belly or back.
As much as I dislike them living with us, I'm thankful that he is a happy baby. Just so I don't have to listen to all that crying. Well I have talked enough about nothing, for no reason at all (and without realizing it.) Sorry you had to listen(or read, whatever) to my incoherent thoughts.

bored

I am so ready for something. I am getting so bored sitting at home this week. And its only Wednesday night. I am ready for school to start. Or huddles. I just need something to do I guess. I hate not having a single thing that I have to do. Does that make sense? I guess that I feel kind of lazy if I am not doing something. And I hate feeling lazy. But school starts on Monday, and then work will start soon after that. Then the kids in my huddle will start having games, and concerts or what not, so if I can just make it through the rest of this week I think I'll be fine. I am so ready for what God has in store for me. I guess I'm already tasting it you know. It's going to be awesome. Well I don't have anything else on my mind so I'm out.

People...

So here I am at the central public library sitting and waiting for my mother to get done with work or whatever. She is moving offices and she had the city help her today. So they get 2 trustees from the city jail to help out or whatever right. Well the 2 people today were really nice people. The guy was younger and kinda what do you call it, like he had ADD or something of that sort, I don't know what he was in for. But the lady was a bit older. She has 2 kids. She was put in jail for a ticket from when her dogs got out. She has really had a kind of rough year. In February her husband died in a car accident. Then after he died her 14 year old son go in with the wrong crowd and in March they burned down her house. She has scars on her arms, legs, and face from trying to save stuff from her burning house. She saved one dog, and a few things that her daughter was crying for. Well her son ran away. She got put in last Wednesday, and will get out sometime this weekend. Her daughter is staying with some of her friends, and the other day they finally found her son. He said that he ran away because he thought that his mom hated him for burning down the house. So I believe that he is now also staying with her friends. It's just really sad, because they have no house, no cars (one was totaled from her husbands wreck, the other burned with the house), hardly any clothes. Stuff like that. So my mom and I asked her if she had a church home. She said that she hasn't been going. So I invited her to come to Southwest. I told her that they might be able to help her with clothes or what not. But if they can't she can go to Tyler Street Resource Center. She said as soon as she can she is going to try to get some family counseling for her and her kids. I really hope that she gets the help that she needs. So just pray for her if you're reading this. Well I am going to go read a book or something.

Man..

What can I say. This weekend has been unbelievable. Incredible. Amazing. I don't think that really describes it the way I want. I get shivers thinking about how God worked this weekend. Not just in the kids, in me. Especially in me. It really opened my eyes to see that there are things from my past that I still have a death grip on. I'm so ready to let them go, its like I can't. I don't even know if that makes sense. I just know that I really want to full on sprint after God. I don't want to walk briskly or jog. I want to full throtle run after Him like crazy. I just feel like something was opened this weekend. My heart. I didn't even spend an entire week with the 9th graders and already they hold a special place in my heart. Already I hurt when they hurt, I'm glad when they're glad. It's so weird how God does that. I'm lovin it. Man I dunno what to say cause I'm all pumped up for this year. God is going to amaze me even more than he has in my past. And for those of you who know what I mean, it's gonna be awesome. Well I'm kinda tired and its almost 1:30 now, so g'night!!!!!

counting down..

Well now I am just hours away from going on this retreat, and I'm getting more excited as the time passes. Went to get my folder from Kyle today and I know already that this weekend will be a powerful and deep one. Just from the things we are going to be talking about and doing. I can already feel God's presence, and I know it will continue to grow as the days go by. I pray that I am completely open and honest. Because that is a key factor in this. I also think that it is a great way to build trust between each other. I know that I will come back from this changed. And I'm ready for it. Well it's close to midnight and I better get to bed so that I'm well rested for tomorrow.

One day closer...

So yesterday was the last day with the kids. But I'm closer to going to the retreat. Eric C. had said to think of devos for the year, so I have been searching for like different things. Also he had said that some of the girls are artsy or whatever, so thats good, since I am also...kinda. Well I don't really have much to say today so I'm gone.

oh yea, whom ever left the message on the previous post, who are you? Email me if you'd like. Bemyangel92@hotmail.com

As I get more and more anxious to begin working with the kids, I am trying to will the days to go by quicker. I cannot wait until a week from today when we leave for the hs retreat. I think that it is going to be an awesome experience, and a great way to start the year off, you know. Anyways well today is the second to last day of watching the kids. I'm excited, but as always saddened. I love Ash and Key to death, and although I don't think I'll miss the yelling and fighting much, I'll miss the times that they are good. But they have been more good than bad this year. Well I really don't have much to say, so adios!!!

Found out today that I am officially working with the 9th graders. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. I thought that I was going to the 10th graders, which made Kayla happy, but I'm not. It sucks for her, because she doesn't feel comfortable around the huddle leaders of her grade. Maybe this year will be different. I am leading along with Eric C. and another couple (don't know how to spell their name and don't want to butcher it.) Liz will join us after the end of the year once she graduates. Also once her and Eric get married in Jan. It's exciting I think. I really hope this year is a good year for everyone. Once again I am thinking about something else as my major. But I think that I will just take some classes at AC in the field I'm thinking about and see what I want to do. I may want to do a double major or something. Would be kinda hard, but would be worth it right? Or maybe get a bachelors in one area and an associates in the other for now. It doesn't matter I guess.

I just pray right now that You bless everyone this school year. I pray that You use me to the fullest of my abilities and that I am fully willing to give You complete rein over my life. Be with me as I enter these kids lives and let them know deep in their hearts that I am going to be there for them. I pray that You can use me to pull some of the girls, that haven't been real involved, closer into this family. I pray that they think of this as that. We are all family with one goal in mind, to bring glory to You. I pray that You help me each day to completely give in to You. I pray that You let me have the smallest glimpse of You. So that my face may shine with Your glory, just as Moses' did when he came down to his people from the mount. Bless me and those around me. Thank You for all You have done, all You are doing and all You are going to do. Because of the ultimate sacrifice.

I'm pumped!!!

So Kyle and I talked yesterday. I thought it went well. The more I think about doing this the more excited I get about it. I can't think of the last time that I was this excited about anything. It feels awesome. I don't know how to explain it. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me and for all these young people. I can't wait to get to know everyone. Like I said in a previous post, I know what huddles were to me, and how much it meant to me. I am so pumped to even have the chance to maybe do that for someone. It's crazy. I never thought I would be doing something like this. Never in a million years. But God has a plan. Well gotta run!!

...

Just when things are okay here at home something has to happen. My brother and sister in law got into some sort of fight, so of course my mother thinks that she has to talk to me about it. She also thinks that I can always talk some sense into my brother, so she expects me to call him or whatever. I didn't even want to come home. How sad is that when you don't even want to be at your house. Makes me wish that I had enough $$ right now to move out. I don't need this kind of stressful things in my life right now. I'm just barely getting to where I don't worry as much and this stuff happens. Makes me cry. I just wish I had a place I could go, where everything was alright.
Thanks to everyone that lets me hang out with them, I don't think you truely know what kind of blessing you are. Well I'm to braindead to continue this.

So I have an account on Myspace. This weirdo guy who I don't know, sends me this message telling me about all he was looking for in a woman or whatever. It was really hilarious. Well today was okay. Didn't really do much. But its whatever you know. Jenn Wade talked to me last night before we played some good ol wiffle ball. She was just wondering if the college group did anything on Sunday nights, like if we had a life group or whatever. Told her we went to Doyles. She was wanting to know if I wanted to be a huddle leader. But she doesn't want to take me away from the college group or whatever. She wants me to still have fun. But I told her if they really needed someone, that I might do it. So she is going to have Kyle or Landon call me. I would really love to do something like that. You know, when I was in high school, huddles was my highlight of the week. Could have been that I had such wonderful leaders, Jim Brett and Teri, and Drew and Chandra. To think that I could possible have that kind of impact on someone is inspiring, I guess thats what you'd say.
You know I am going to college for theater, and I thought that I would just do managing or something of that sort. But the more I think about it, I think I'd like to do something with the church in that area. Like a little troupe or something like that. Do skits and short plays that have some meaning behind them. Maybe even write a few myself. Maybe I'm crazy. Okay yeah I know I'm crazy, scratch that. :-)
Well if you're reading this, pray for me. Pray that if I'm approached with the opportunity to be a huddle leader, I make the right choice. That I follow the path that God has set out for me. Well I'm kind of sleepy and I have to get up early to go register my lil bro for school so I am out!