My realization...

So I'm finally getting smarter I think. I had a realization today. I was taking a shower, and being in the water made me think about the two boys that were baptized today. Then I got to thinking about when I was baptized. I've always been the one in my family that went to church all the time. I always went with my grandma, my brothers didnt go, aside from my younger one every once in awhile, neither did my parents. My parents both grew up in the church though. Well I remember my mom telling me that I had to get baptized. Being the good child that I was, I said okay and did it. I was in the 7th grade.
I expected this big change or something, you know like I wanted the heavens to open up and a ray of light to shine brightly down on me or something. But it didn't happen. I think because I wasn't really ready for it. So thinking back now, I wish that I wouldn't of gotten baptized when I did. I wish now that it would have really meant something to me. I remember getting gifts from people at church, and the first thing that ran through my head was, 'I hope that they don't think thats the reason I got baptized, to get gifts..'
I also realized something else. I remember that next day, all excited to tell my friends at school that I had gotten baptized. So I get there, and go to where we normally hung out, and I told everyone. I guess I was expecting them to I don't know, react, to what I had said or something. But maybe one person said, 'oh yea, that's cool.' I think that crushed my spirits some. I know that I was almost forced to be baptized, but I also knew what it meant, and how exciting living for Christ was going to be. But I think that day, when it seemed like no one cared, I lost heart. But I think that I am getting it back.
Recently at church, the sermons have been really awesome. I really feel, kind of touched. Like they spoke to me. I hate that sometimes I am such a hypocrite. I hate that I'm such a failure. I hate that I can never live up to my own expectations. But I love that Christ can look past that. That he sees me, not what I have or havent done. We also started a new quarter, which means new bible classes. I really love the way the college class is being taught this quarter. I journal anyways, because it is hard alot of the time for me to just talk my thoughts. I am so much better at writing them down, then saying them. So in class we are journaling, and I love it.
Well I have to watch Key and Ash in the morning, yea, I'm so excited. Can't you tell, with all the enthusiasim I'm showing? Goodnight!